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Dexter
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wetass
comments on
Still Think You're...
you r psychotic or am i, you have me in stiches.
wetass
comments on
Back Of The Car
Dex, i love this one. GREAT!!!!!
i must hit u up when i have essays, like ths a lot, can u...
wetass
comments on
Having a bad day??
you are great, with a very good sense of humour, you actually put a spin to the story, was not...
wetass
comments on
First Meeting . . . .
typical! I like the sense of humour though. Very good and keep it up. It reminds me of a famous...
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
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A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was taken from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. ...Sunday, January 20, 2008
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she chopped him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman....
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was £40,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both....
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Dex in computing asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?" "Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress". "What should I do?" asked Gloria. Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."...Sunday, January 20, 2008
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. researcher - Do you use it at all in your household?"" woman - Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
woman - "Like what?" researcher - "Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. SEX." woman - "Oh, of course. Yes, we smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep the kids out." ...Sunday, January 20, 2008
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25 ...Sunday, January 20, 2008
The Envelope PleaseA new property manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing property manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
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Three months later there is a major snafu, everything goes wrong and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About six months later the property manager experiences another huge, seemingly insurmountable problem at one of the properties he manages. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message reads, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the situation quickly changes for the better. Three months later, at his next intractable crisis, he opens the third envelope, hoping to find more of his predecessor's sage advice. The message inside says only "Prepare three envelopes."... Sunday, January 20, 2008
Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
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The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!, Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button......nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!... Sunday, January 20, 2008
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
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She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean £200?"... Sunday, April 01, 2007
Whilst dining in a posh restaurant I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot
wine across to a very attractive woman sitting alone at a nearby table.
The waiter takes the Merlot to the woman and says, "This is from the
gentleman seated over there", indicating the sender as myself.
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The woman regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at me and
decided to send a reply note. The waiter, who was lingering for a response
took the note from her and brought it across to me.
The note read "In order for me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million pounds in the bank and 7 inches in
your pants."
After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in return.
I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return it
to the woman.
My note read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari 360 Spyder, an Aston
Martin DB9, a Mercedes SL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garages. I have
over twenty million pounds in my bank accounts, but not even for a woman
as beautiful as you would I cut off TWO inches. Just send the bottle back."...
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