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Joy wouldnt feel so sweet if it wasnt for pain

How true is this, I think that I have always had pain in my life an not much joy
I often wonder why I would let certain things happen, no better yet stay in my life was I stupid, was I blind nah it was love an dat shit nuh nice
I feel like my ex has messed it up for everyone else but im trying not to take anything out on any new man that I meet cause it wouldnt be fair to them
for a while now I have been doing my thing taking care of Sammy that the most important thing right now. I do miss the company of a man in my life I guess dem right time heals all wounds. I have found some one in my life who im willing to let in but my own insecurities have messed it up for me. I guess its all my fault but what can I do now? Im not going to beg him to forgive me cause that not me at all. I just wish he could see how sorry I am and how much I want him in my life.