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Tha’ Internet Is MY Stage !!

~ Love ALL….Trust NONE ~

“Don’t take it PERSONAL….it’s just COM-M-M-M-MEDY….from ASS-LEVEL !!”

 

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Just an update of sorts.....

OH YEAH....err'thang from A to Z when it comes to tha' word "nigga" !! If you're on some "ig'nant nigga shit", then ya' MIGHT NOT wanna' read THIS "ig'nant nigga shit" SHIT !! ROFL !!...

  Tha’ Internet Is MY Stage !!

~ Love ALL….Trust NONE ~

“Don’t take it PERSONAL….it’s just COM-M-M-M-MEDY….from ASS-LEVEL !!” 

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  Tha’ Internet Is MY Stage !!~ Love ALL….Trust NONE ~“Don’t take it PERSONAL….it’s just COM-M-M-M-MEDY….from ASS-LEVEL !!”...

Tha’ Internet Is MY Stage !!~ Love ALL….Trust NONE ~“Don’t take it PERSONAL….it’s just COM-M-M-M-MEDY….from ASS-LEVEL !!”

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Tha’ Internet Is MY Stage !! Love ALL….Trust NONE !!“Don’t take it PERSONAL….it’s just COM-M-M-M-MEDY….from ASS-LEVEL !!”

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HOT DIGGITY DAYUMMMM !!!

I'm in one of those moods to "use tha' force"..
..tha' LYRICAL force !!

Don't DOUBT or POUT....get ya' ASS off ya' shoulders and check it OUT !!

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"Don't take it personal..........it's just com-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-edy....from ass-level !!" Damn....did I just say that out loud ?? Speakin' of "out loud".. I'm gonna' share somethin' with you about when speakin' "out loud" goes BAD !! Over tha' weekend, my dad came to visit me.. ..he lives an hour away.. We had a cool visit and everything....we chilled, laughed and joked with other family members and friends.......an overall good time !! So when he was leavin', I was on my front porch talkin' with him. A few houses up were some of my neighbors' teenage children and some of their friends, outside workin' on their cars and so forth.. ..it was like an episode of "Pimp My Ride" !! All these teenagers with their pants hangin' off their asses, wearin' their baseball hats tilted to tha' side, bumpin' some hip-hop ( or what passes for hip-hop these days ) and throwin' their hands up as they were "rappin' along" to tha' songs....I saw this one kid with a black bandana-thing tied around his face so that it covered-up his mouth, along with his big "Rick James" sunglasses.... ..this sh*t was f*ckin' hilarious ya'll !! My dad thought so as well !! He started laughin' and shakin' his head as he walked to his SUV....Me, bein' tha' observant son that I am, noticed that these kids saw him do this and tried to divert their attention away from Ol' Pops by sayin' "out loud".. "....Oh don't even worry 'bout it DAD !! I'LL take care of it...." to make is seem like we weren't talkin' about them { tha' wayward teens } !! It didn't work.... Before I could continue, one of them { who'd been watchin' us since we walked out of my house } jumps up outta' his car, puts his sunglasses up on his head, throws his hands up in tha' air and yells out, "YO !!! DON'T BE DISSIN' MY NIGGAS, YO...!!" * PERK !! * Did he just say... ??!! Shocked as HELL, Dad and I looked at each other as if one of us was gonna' say that we both didn't hear what we just thought we heard !! It was like tha' DJ just pulled tha' needle all tha' way across tha' record and tha' moment was frozen in time !!! Tha' thing that probably caused tha' biggest part of this Twilight Zone moment was that all these teenage kids, with their cars, baggy jeans, sunglasses, hip-hop and wannabe gangsta' behavior was this: - They were all WHITE KIDS !!! That's right ya'll.. Lil' Wigga' Nation !! Suburbian Gangstas....I mean Wangstas !! Captain Pimp My Ride ( Please Mom ) !! Boys In Tha' Hood ( YEAH....tha' NEIGHBOR-HOOD ) !! Now I immediately thought tha' sh*t was funny.. ..ignorant as hell, but funny nonetheless !! My DAD, however, was NOT amused !! White People of America.. ..I gonna' go ahead and make tha' attempt to subvert a possible "nuclear war of words" that could lead to a racial apocalypse of sorts !! If ya'll white folks don't listen to anything I have to say ever again, please remember THIS.. - write it down.. - take a picture.. - say it three-times in tha' mirror.. ..do whatever you gotta' do to make sure that you keep this sh*t FRESH in your minds....hee hee !! You DO NOT.. ..I REPEAT....DO NOT EVER use tha' "N-word" .. ..ESPECIALLY around old school black folks !!! That word comes with an AUTOMATIC ASS WHOOPIN' !!!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE !! Okay....continuin' on.. Ya'll, I thought that I was gonna' have to bail my dad outta' jail for kickin' tha' sh*t outta' some ignorant-ass white boys with big mouths, somethin' that probably would NOT go over well in a city with a name that scares most black folks to begin with !! I had to think fast.. Actin' quickly, I targeted tha' biggest mouth in tha' group....tha' dumb-ass "wigga" who screamed out in tha' first place.. "WHAT THA' F*CK did you just say to us ??? WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME MUH'F*CKA ????!!" was my way of takin' tha' ball away from my own team-mate, sorta, then proceedin' to drive-tha'-lane for tha' slam-dunk !! ..basically, I wasn't gonna' let my dad confront these kids cause' he would've killed 'em with his bare hands !! WORK WITH ME PEOPLE.....try to keep up dammit !! WINK !! So I bounced down three steps, off my front porch and started rollin' up to tha' kids, pullin' out one of my "sabers" in tha' process and layin' it across my lap so they could SEE that I meant BUSINESS....so they could SEE that if someone didn't straighten this mess up quick, fast and in a hurry, somebody was gettin' knocked-tha'-f*ck-out by a rather feisty-ass brotha' in a wheelchair who carries metal sticks around !!! But that's when one of tha' kids that actually LIVES in tha' house ( "Big Mouth" was a friend from somewhere else, as I found out later ) rushed over to tha' kid with his hands up and shoved him.....rather hard I might add !! Ol' Mr. Albino Thug appeared to get defensive with his friend and bucked-up on him, tryin' to save some kind of dignity, save face or whatever.. ..regardless, it all came to an end when tha' other guy says, "DUDE shut tha' f*ck UP.....that's tha' guy that beat-up Scott mannnnn...." He was referrin' to me and it took me a few seconds to realize what he was talkin' about !! Scott was one of those two guys that tried to rob me last year when I was rollin' home by myself at night.. ..tha' one who's arm I broke at tha' elbow !! Apparently, that story has traveled around and I'm now known as "tha' guy that beat up Scott".....not "defended myself against"....but "beat UP" !! Hmmmmmm..... That still didn't put any "water" on this "fire" though !! My dad was silently takin' all this in and I knew that if I didn't say or do somethin' more, HE would !! And suddenly, as if on cue, Ol' Mighty Mouth spoke up again.. "OH....OH MY BAD DAWWWG......My BAD.....I ain't got no beef wit'chu.....I ain't got no beef wit' ya'll.....MY BAD YO....!!!" So ya'll know that I had to get tha' last word.. ..I HAD to !! "Yeah......A'IGHT......YO !!" was my sarcastic tone with a look that said "I'll come up outta' this chair and straight WHOOP yo' ASS !!!" I had to make sure that my dad thought I was pissed as HELL so that he'd turn his attention towards calmin' me down and NOT towards f*ckin' THEM up !! It worked !! HEE HEE !!! But that doesn't change my thought on tha' whole thing....I can't STAND muh'f*ckas who try to be somethin' they aren't !! In THIS case, it was white boys tryin' to be what they perceive as "black" or Afrocentric... We have Snoop Dogg.....they have Snoopy !! We have "bus dat' ass !!".....they have "you're going to 'time-out' !!" We have "old school" and "new school".....they have education !! { giggle } My point is that I DETEST fake-ass people !! In fact, lemme' go a step further.. 9 MORE Things I Hate About People.... 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours ?? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is ?? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too"....Damn right !! What good is a cake if you can't eat it ?? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look"....Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it ?? Do people do this ?? Who and where are they ?? ..gonna kick their ass !! 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?"....No Loser, I paid $12.00 to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question ?".. ..Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine ?? 7. When something is 'new and improved !'.... Which is it ?? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it....so it's not new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck ?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does !! What can you do that's longer ? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet ?". If the bus came would I be standing here, DUMBASS ?? Sugar Ray-Isms - Pick-Up Line Translations !! - "Hey baby......cute shades....." - If a guy will use tha' word "cute" in his very first sentence with a female, chances are that he'll still write notes sayin', "Do you wanna' go-together ? Check 'yes' or 'no'"....He's still on his momma's breast milk and lookin' for a new source !! If you give this "stray cat" ANY kind of ANYTHING, yo' ass is STUCK with HIS ass !! - "Do YOU know where tha' bat'tries are ?" - Now WHAT do you suppose he's tryin' to find out about you, Miss I Ain't Got A Man ?? HEE HEE !! He's wearin' his Ebonics Diploma in his damn mouth, a platinum-PLATED "grill" and you're WAYYYYY outta' his league......but he tries to "impress" you anyway....all while tryin' to "inquire" about you at tha' same time......."Baby Genius" Strikes Again !! - "Where ya' kids at ?" - Remember.....this fool just met you.....he may not even know your name yet....but he's already assumed that you have kids and that you're spreadin' like mayonnaise....Hmmmmmm....maybe you should be askin' him how many damn kids his dumb ass has..!! - "You live 'round here ?" - In other words, he'll follow you home and stalk ya' ass if you make that fatal mistake of sayin' "..well not TOO far from here.." !! Tha' correct answer is, "My doctors thought it'd be a good idea for me to get some fresh air today.." !! - "Can I use your cell phone ?" - While your big-heartedness will have you eager to help, your naivity will leave you open to a vulcher that most likely will examine and gather information FROM your phone while ACTING like he's on a call.. ..Next thing you know, Mister Trick N' Stick is callin' you up and askin' if he can take you to dinner, to drinks or what-have-you, as a "thank you" for your "kindness" and if you go, chances are that you'll wake up tha' next mornin' with a nasty taste in ya' mouth, a critical-ass headache, havin' slept in tha' wet spot, all while he's grinnin' in his sleep....no condom wrappers are anywhere, so yo' ass probably just got pregnant.. ..all cause' you wanted to be a lil' helper to a stranger in his "time of need".. Remember, I'm a guy....I know this sh*t.. Keep ya' eyes open and don't let ya' hearts over-ride ya' brains !! Once ya' let a "fly" in ya' house, it'll be a "pest" the entire time !! - "Have you eaten yet ?" - Do I even need to say anything about this one ?? Yeah it's a free meal....but it's a way for him to figure out if you are "good" with your mouth, know what I mean ?? Some guys get all "flustered" and sh*t when they watch a woman eat... ..lickin' her lips and swallowin' all slow.. You could be enjoyin' that steak, that chicken, that salad or * OH LORD * some soup.. You'd be in ya' own lil' world and suddenly you look up to see that he's staring at you, droolin' out tha' corner of his mouth, expressionless and NEITHER of his hands are ANYWHERE to be seen.. HMMMMMM..........any questions ?? - "Hey baby....." - Alright.....pay attention here ladies....I'm about to school ya'..... ANY INITIAL conversation that starts with "Hey BABY" is a RED FLAG.....a BIG red flag !!. He's can't even do somethin' for you as simple as callin' you by your NAME....he's gonna' do what HE wants to do, call you what HE wants to call you - BABY ??!! Manipulation and control issues begin right there....mark my words....Yo' ass better turn and run like Sigourney Weaver ran from Alien !! - "Are you 'down wit' da' brown' ?" - SCHLAAAAPPP !!! In fact, if you are still standin' in front of him, even SMILIN', after he asks you that retarded-ass question, then BOTH of you have issues.. ..I only have three words for you females if a question like THAT somehow sparks ya' interest: BIRTH CONTROL PILLS !! And for "walkin' hormone-ass" guys that even THINK about askin' such a "level-one flat-line" kinda' question, here's another "Sugar Ray Diggem' Scha'MACK !!!! Protzoan-ass dummies are puttin' my black ass in a bad mood over here.. - "Ya' know, if I was ya' man......" - skiiiirrrrrrrrrt !! Stop him dead in his tracks, throw ya' hand up and repeat after me.. ".....but you AIN'T my man....you can take that "IF" and smoke it with tha' rest of that sh*t you smokin' cause' ya' runnin' up on me like a crack-head.....muh'f*cka' are you HIGH or are you just STUPID ??" When he starts to studder and stumble like he's all shook-up, then you can put ya' hand on ya' hip, look him up n' down, then say, "Oh what's wronnnnnngg Mister Dreams R Us ?? Cat gotcha' tongue ?? Earrrrrl gotcha' tongue ??" If he can recover from all of THAT, chances are that he's got potential...... ..but his dumb-ass DID come at'cha tha' wrong way to BEGIN with, so NO....there's no "warranty" and no "money-back guarantee" on this one !! - "....blah, blah, blah, know what I'm sayin' ?" - Hell.....does HE know what he's sayin' ?? I mean HOLY VOCABULARY-BLOCK Batman !!! He's sayin', ".....ya' know what I'm sayin'" at tha' end of EVERY DAMN SENTENCE !! He's probably tryin' to get you to help him understand what he's sayin' so that if it doesn't get you "nekkid", at least you two will have that "bond of helpfulness" for him to come back and attempt to build on again later....after he makes some adjustments and tries that sh*t on anotha' female first....!! Long story short...."Just say no" !! They say that "crack kills" so make sure that it ain't ya' "crack" that gets your "romance passport" revoked !! HEE HEE !! Now I bet that those lil' "insights" weren't even part of your thought process when they were first presented to ya'.. ..but see, that's where I come in !! Pick-up lines are usually for guys that can't think at that necessary "higher level" anyway !! They KNOW that they have no chance at winning over a woman with their personalities or just their looks, so they try to get a "head-start" by using what are SUPPOSED to be "icebreakers".. Fellas....get ya' sh*t together and approach a lady correctly.. ..do it right or don't do it at all !! ..No, her name ain't "YO".. ..I pray to God that she don't have yo' "BABY" !! .."HEY !!" is for horses.. .."What's up" ?? Tha' sky......not ya' I.Q. apparently !! HEE HEE !! Ladies....stop lettin' guys get away with "half-assin'-it" when it comes to tha' PRIVILEGE of experiencing YOU !! Like Big Daddy Kane once said.. "...Ain't no half-steppin.." Did ya' laugh AND learn somethin' today ?? ...there ya' go !! Class Dismissed !! Sugar Ray D....