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Just a  brief chronicle of  my  first  major disappointment for the year 2008......

You cant change some people of the worst that they are, even if you give to  and wish for them life's fullest and best 

I hope you learn as I have come to learn...... 

Here's my story .  :....

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Its a new year.. what do you have planned that you have the determination to see through?

Is this the year of chnage for fortune love well health and spiritual and emotional fulfillment.

For me every year i look forward to these things but i take each day at a time... starting from TODAY...

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Just some thoughts of my own adventures in finding a friend online....

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Recently I decided to take myself back into the world of the living.I have been dragging myself through the dark and heavily morrassed walls of depression acquiring the sludge and dead mulch of my past experiences which gladly adhere to the soles of my road worn and tattered shoes. It hasnt been easy.I know I should be grateful at this junction in my life.I'm dating right now but it doesnt solve everything.Its a small medicated bandaid on a slightly larger cut and I'm hoping that the small medicine starts the healing. It may sound like i'm speaking in parables; but to me it makes perfectly understated sense.I am deficient in the words and means by which to express myself adequately but it is like a dull grey emotion, tinged with pain and tempered with sympathy expressed by others.Its not growing but yet it lingers and its like it feeds on all that which would make me happy and I want it GONE. My present companion doesnt quite understand that, she comes from the school of hard knocks herself and for myself I have been told I am too emotional for a man.I'm not sure if this is true for any man or its just the status quo, but for myself for the second time in my life I have felt pain and misery in the ending of an relationship and while I seek counsel, companionship and consolation in the person I now see/date she can never take any of past pains away, to say little of the thoughts that occassionally cloud my day from either of them. It sometimes feels like I've been once too much around this beaten track and every time it gets harder to get up and run again so i confine myself to these walls, this endless corridor which on good days Im not aware of; then it becomes translucent still there but I can see the outside and feel if I might the warmth of friendship and forget about myself but for the moment as the tasks I encounter for the day takes my mind away from the issues I fight with and the occasional call from my special friend/companion which when not focused on the way that I feel sometimes puts a devilish evil smirk on my face, her having brought out the seemingly perverse and under eroticised imagination that is sometimes so subdued but then when those are not around or even as the sun fades toward night or disappear behind dark swiftly rolling rain clouds, like a dark heavy mantle drawn over uneven ground my dark thoughts rush to consume me and I once again find myself fighting to walk through that dark corridor if even for a short distance which for me at times seems an eternity....

A few comments on what it has been like being in a broken marriage and what has happened since then....

Hey Nix it does feel great to blow my top in here doesn't it ?..LOL.Nyway folks this is your time ..u know the drill.. toss in your two cents worth . As usual ..I'M ALL EARS..LOL...

There.. i said my piece.. add your piece or rip mine to pieces... feel free to kick back and be my guest. You got the remote...I'm allllll ears..LOL...

Need some input here. i realise that both sexes have different perspectives as to why and what outcomes(good/evil) are attributed to a man's obsession with adult movies. Lets hear your views and explantions as you see it. Personal confessions are most welcome....