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There are many men and women who find themselves innocent victims of abusive relationships.In most cases these are relationships that start off being the stuff of dreams and end on the note of being the stuff of nightmares. My friend who i will call N* was a product of such a relationship, bearing a son for a rather self centered and imperialist type personality who bullied with his intellect,  much as he did with his physical stature.N* by comparison had been young and naive at the start and to my knowledge had remained that way fo most of the relationship even as things changed for the worse.

Eventually she decided to end it at the prompt of family and friends, taking her 6 yr old son with her.However her decision not to break clean lay in the fact that she required the father of the child to play his role.This he used in the following months to manipulate her into doing favors or any nature while defaulting on his promises.

In getting involved with her i took into consideration that she had been through this extensive abusive relationship and had a strong sense of trying to maintain the family bond under the most impossible of conditions.I decided to offfer advice and encouragement as she set out as a single mother.

 Her personal life outside became slowly self destructive in at least one relationship of a much forbidden nature that she hurriedly and and against much independent advice from several quarters, rushed into.That soon became gossip fueled by the fact that the person she had become involved with was known for such behavior. Again, I intervened and tried to set her along the path of good morals and sound decision making. Eventually she managed to avail herself of this relationship but much my disappointment I was much later to learn that  there was a continue flirtation and friendship which continued between them.

In actively engaging in a intimate relationship i tried to understand her.Even goign as far as to be patient and psychologically backtracking with her even current obviously detrimental blunder which i took to be inexperience and innocence. I have many times over been cheated on and taken for granted by this young lady and never yet have i strayed from the objective of making her a responsible and self sufficient partner. Never to be dependent on ANY man including myself for either her future, her current sustainment, her emotional well being or even her self esteem. I wanted her to learn the value of self improvement and experience the thrill of personal triumphs after fervent struggle. However over time it  became apparent, that while i did the footwork to build her as a person , she was more inclined to be socially promiscuous, perspectively irresponsible and totally unfocused and lacking foresight or periphal vision of who or what she got involved in or with.

Eventually, emotionally, it started taking its toll on me. It was now very apparent to friends and family that i was again struggling with something of a highly emotional nature.Funniest thing about ti was that everyone else noticed except her. i tried on several occasions to patiently and calmly put forward my concerns, hoping that by addressing them she would open the opportunity to understanding that she was causing pain and a sense of betrayal in my own life. Yet, even while I did thsi she became involved with yet another person of the same nature as previous, though less public of his affairs, he was well known for his intent and again she had been warned of this. Though she assured me that nothing would happened she continued to accept offers to go out with this person, while at the same time entertaining the advances of the person before him (having not taken a firm stand on the matter ,the individual came to her repeatedly with such requests and to inquire of her personal life). In addition to this there had been an occasion a year before that, while we were shopping, she had been approached out of nowhere by a perfect stranger  and lauding  her of her  beauty and gait, gave her his phone number  but did not in turn receive hers. i was later to learn that this gentleman too had become of closer acquaintance to her.

With all this coming to my attention i still tutored mentored loved and supported her in an effort for her to appreciate what i represented to her. The greatest disappointment of all cam when i was repeatedly accused of 'wasting her time', that i was planning to be only temporary in my intent, that I had made it clear that I was in no way interested in trying to bring all aspects of our relationship to a serious commitment. i found it funny (relatively) that even as she accused me of such, she was non-chalantly suggesting that nothing was happening between herself and none of the persons mentioned above, having basically submitted to a committed relationship.. she thought nothing of what she was doing.

I broke company with her on more than one occasion to emphasize that I was serious about what i wanted. She seemed at this time to have understood but no sooner had i relaxed my decision and softened my stand than she began to attack my integrity and that of my friends and acquaintances who might have seen and heard her in questionable and seemingly inappropriate situations.I was asked what the stus of my relationship was by friends and well wisher who did not desire to see me reduced to the point of breaking as i had been three years prior.  After repeating the cycle almost three times over, I decided to change the nature of the relationship to that of only a friendship due to her reluctance in acknowledging that what she was doing was wrong from every aspect.

Her accusations continued despite the obvious contrary. In addition she deliberately placed me in harms way by informing her family of an insulting preposition that was by far a lie and out of character for myself. Quick observation and deduction saved me that day from what could easily have been either a situation of aggravated assault or manslaught due primarily to that lie.

It was at this point that I decided to part company. Two(2) years after starting a journey which made her a best friend and close companion then intimate partner, i had now to part with her due to lack of interest on her part, lack of commitment, the affinity to involve herself in questionable  associations and having no respect for herself or our relationship.

Even past this time, i still tried tyo be closer than a friend but in the end that didn't work either.Her paranoia of my friends and her  constant insistence that she had her associations 'under control' finally painted her into a corner which saw her stepping in her handiwork. In the end she called and broke the friendship.

I wish i could be there to smooth things over for her but to be honest that would be nothing short of foolish.As it is I have been more than foolish to have allowed it to transpire for so long.Foolishly romantic and committed to turning about someone had resulted in a grand waste of my time and resources which has left me sore and dejected.Yet, I feel among other things a strong feeling of pity, as I am fully aware that with her departure she has now exposed herself potentially to a world of treachery and a lifetime of hurt, none of which i can deter her from doing as it is to be her rite of passage, even  at 30 years of age.