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Posted on Saturday, January 20 2007 at 02:35 pm
I loved him, I still do.
I didn't mean to hurt him,
That's the last thing I wanted to do……
I thought my past was behind me,
I guess I was wrong.
It's my past,
To me, that's all that it is.
I didn't realize it would mean so much to you.
I didn't think it would affect you at all.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over.
But you freaked.
You're pissed,
You told me I could never make you mad,
But I did, I don't know how, but I did.
I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what to do,
I can't exactly change it.
I just want you to move on.
I love you; I want to be with you.
I need you to move on.
Move on.
Please just move on.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But none of that mattered.
You didn't know,
You didn't know anything.
You didn't even know if you wanted to talk to me.
I could see it.
There it was.
The end.
It was there.
I kept trying to avoid it.
I let everything go.
The showcase doesn't matter anymore.
I don't care.
You didn't have to be there.
I wasn't mad about that anyway.
I just meant that the ticket was free,
I didn't need one of those flowers being sold at the door,
I just wanted to be on stage knowing you were in the audience.
I just wanted someone I loved to support me.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But it has all already been done.
It doesn't mean shit to me now.
Everything that was important to me before suddenly isn't.
Everyone is going to hurt you at one point or another,
All you have to do is decide who is worth the pain.
You were; you are.
I know that this can work,
Everyone thinks so.
I just need you to let go.
I hardly ever cry.
That's all I'm doing now.
For four days straight,
That's all I did.
I knew it was the end, but I didn't know how to change it.
I'm shaking now,
It's really hard to breath.
It's as though you only know the bad stuff about me.
Before, you only knew the good,
What happened?
You don't know me.
I want you to.
But I can't talk to you.
You won't let me.
You can't, you're not able to.
My past is blocking everything.
I could go to you with anything,
You could come to me too.
But that's over now.
It's all gone.
I'm shacking so much.
I may as well stop trying to breath,
It's too hard,
I just can't do it.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But you couldn't take it.
Everything I do or say is wrong.
I can only make it worse now.
I need you move on.
That's it.
I hurt you,
I get it.
I said I was sorry,
What more can I do?
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
I'm freaking out now.
Some of the shit you said was just mean.
It wasn't needed.
I don't let it get to me completely.
I wait.
You being upset it more important.
They really hurt though.
You wonder why I do some things,
It's party because people act like they care then say stuff like that out of nowhere.
Take it back.
Please, I asked you nicely.
My friends don't think I should be with you.
You hurt me before,
In their eyes, you hurt me once you're gone.
They don't listen.
I told them,
It's not up to them.
I wouldn't be with you if you hurt me like they say you do.
I'm in a theater program,
I'm automatically going to be dramatic.
It's not a choice anymore.
I don't care what other people think.
It's not about them.
The only thing that matters is what I think.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But I took to long.
If I could go back to any moment it would be at the football game,
The one against Hermitage.
It was almost over, people were starting to leave.
You and I were lying on the sidewalk in from of the school.
People were threatening to step on us, but we didn't move.
We didn't care; we hardly noticed that they were even there.
We were staring at the stars, talking about the future.
I told you I could see you in mine.
You looked at me and smiled,
You said that that was because I was in yours.
I never wanted to leave that moment,
I wanted to stay there forever.
I wanted to stop time and lay there.
I was safe there, nothing could harm me,
Nothing could take away the happiness from me,
Nothing!
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But I was too late.
I'm completely done now,
My past is neither my present nor my future.
I won't let t be.
I know so much more now,
I'll be ok.
Why won't you believe me?
I haven't done anything to take my trust from you.
I need you right now,
I need you more than ever.
Everything is blurry now,
I feel like I have nothing.
You were my everything,
Now what are you?
I know what I have to do,
I just have to do it.
You said you'd move on,
You just needed time.
I'll give you time, I'm willing,
Then again, why should I?
You gave me time,
But you didn't give me enough.
You said I was taking to long.
I can't wait for you.
I won't wait for you.
I know my past is wrong,
I admit it.
I tried to fix it.
I was almost there,
It was almost over,
But it's already the end.
It's over now.
It's done.
There's nothing left.
We're friends now,
That's not what I wanted.
I just needed you to move on,
If you can't then how do you expect me to?
I've done everything I could have done,
I can't believe you.
But I got nothing left.
I'm not mad,
I'm sad.
I'm crushed.
I just wanted you to love me for whom I am,
Not hate me for who I was.
I loved him, I still do.
I didn't mean to hurt him,
That's the last thing I wanted to do……
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